the other day I was super excited because my loan from the bank came through and I don't have to worry about my last year of school (money wise, studying wise- yikes!) who wouldn't be happy for me? (if its you, don't bother reading on)
So I was sitting in a cafe eating lunch (see below for pic) telling an acquaintance -excitedly- that I did get the loan and what did he say? 'mhm. I dunno.. I wouldn't do that. you have to pay that back and it's really not that good of an idea....' huh. yes, I do know what a loan means and what the consequences are of getting one. thank. you. for. clearing. that. up. lol.
He went on about how it wasn't the best idea for me and that I should've (yes, past tense) asked my parents and so forth. Why bother telling me these things, I just said that it already is finalised and already happened! way to make me feel... shitty. and this wasn't the first time he has reacted this way about things I've told him in the past (you'd think I'd finally learn not to tell him things... I just can't help myself when I'm excited about something though... ahhh.)
I am not sure if this is a german criticism thing (some germans (gotta watch out how I say these things!) do like to point out the negative on your actions/dreams) or if it's just his thing... either way, what a way to take the wind out of my sails! I felt deflated afterwards because I started backing up my decision by explaining my reasons and in the end I was just annoyed at myself that I jumped right in to defend my actions- to someone who (really) doesn't care where I get my money from!
It made me think about how I would've wanted the situation to have gone. Did I want him to lie to me and say 'brilliant idea! awesome for you!' even though he didn't feel that way? no. i wanted him to be honest but I felt he didn't have to be so incredibly blunt about it.
This is where the cultural aspects come into play for me, in Berlin people (I know I'm generalising greatly so please take this with a grain of salt) tend to give you their opinion inescapably. When I lived in Canada my friends didn't necessarily always tell me what they thought or what they would do in my shoes and gave me and my thoughts some space.
Which is better, you getting an honest-yet-too-much-information answer or an answer that is vague and sometimes no answer at all? Or do I only want the honest-yet-too-much-information answer when they agree with me?
Coffee with a dash of soy milk mhmhmh
Bagel with homemade red pesto, rocket leaves, tomato, cucumber and shaved parmesan. Delicious!
and to top it all off- a Brownie
(not made by me but a cute little cafe by my school)