Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Life on the other side

'The quieter you become, the more you can hear' 
-Ram Dass

Hello, it's been a while. 

I've been struggling finding the words to write this post. Maybe I've been out of it for too long or perhaps I am just tired. Maybe that. I am tired. 
The past eight months have been insane. So fun, so crazy, so exhausting.
After Lily has found her groove and I found my pelvis again I was able to start exercising again! What a treat. This whole mind body connection is truly no joke. 

Before pregnancy I was active in my daily life with such ease, riding my bike anywhere, popping in and out of the gym like I'm brushing my teeth. Then came the belly and everything became harder, my breathing changed the most. Granted, its harder to breathe when there is a little human inside doing summersaults. However in the midst of this new life, I forgot how to breathe in a way that keeps me grounded.  

It took me a while to come to this realisation. I just thought I was sleep deprived, hormonal, ecstatic and crazed... oh wait... that is how I was? oh. dear.

Jokes aside. I had to re-focus my breath daily, moment to moment. 
I have to remind myself to breathe from the toes to the crown of my head- effortlessly. Whatever is happening, if Lily is laughing, sleeping, crying, grunting or climbing up the walls again, I have to remember to breathe effortlessly.

Its very easy to fall into the dream clouds. Wishing for things that are not right in front of you (sleep perhaps) but it's more important to stay on the ground that you are walking on and make every moment count. It's been taking me a little while to get back to earth. My breath is what makes me stop and take a moment to listen to what is going on. Tea helps too, after my morning yoga session. I also found a mantra that works for me and keep repeating it whenever I feel out of touch with the present. 

I hope to write more in the next little while. 
Until then,

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Lily Belle

Hey! Friend! Heeey!

I seriously dropped the ball for a few months! I had too much going on and too little focus to write anything that would've made sense to anyone (including me!)

So where do I start? Oh right, I HAVE A BABY! I can't believe it to be honest, she will be two months on the 24th and I still don't really believe she is mine!

In hindsight, being pregnant was a super strange experience, I liked it, don't get me wrong, but it is almost superpower-ish. I mean, growing another human in your belly! and then popping it out! and then feeding it with your body! It is really crazy. Awesome crazy. But crazy.... Crazy? I think crazy.
The emotions ran high from the moment I peed on that stick, expectations, thoughts, fears, hopes etc etc. Then, when the big due date came and went, it was more like 'WHAT. is. HAPPENING.' and then, when birth started to kick in it was like 'WHAT. is. HAPPENING'.  And then, when my babe popped out it was like 'WHAA...' and I fell crazy in love.

It's weird. It is almost like you belong to a tribe all of a sudden. You are now allowed to give tips to other parents without being that a-hole with no kids giving pointers on how to anything baby.
It's a ROLLER coaster of emotions and actions. The first four weeks were like a hurricane had swept me up and spat me out, leaving me not knowing where up and down is. Then I gradually found my brain again.

I read a quote somewhere that your baby is brought to you to teach you something. I believe it!
I've never been the one to plan too far in advance or need to stick to a plan rigidly but I do have expectations of a day. Already in the short amount of 8 weeks of her life I had to learn to throw that right out the window. One day is never the same as the other, she surely keeps me on my toes!

And the amount of advice and books there are out there! I read a few too many tips and 'ways' to parent. I was taking all that advice a little bit to seriously. After trying hard to figure out what I want to do I just realised I gotta go with my gut. There is no other way for me to parent. I can't read a book and then apply it to my child. My new tribe of moms have been a greater help than any book or website I have read so far. My kid and I, we'll work it out. After all, us humans have been around a long time.

Now, I live life day to day, soak in all the wonderful new faces and sounds this little creature makes and try to get as much sleep as I can!


Monday, December 01, 2014

Oh Baby!

Giving up our life and all our belongings to start a fresh new adventure, only to find out we are starting fresh in many more ways than expected was well, unexpected. 
I have decided to share some of my pregnancy thoughts with you today. Pregnancy is a miraculous and wonderful time but can also be tough and confusing...

Once officially pregnant, some people really want to share stories that they have either heard or experienced that are really more fear instilling than empowering in any way. (no thanks!)

Sleeping is a bit tougher than when there wasn't a big belly in the way.

Some people feel that now is the perfect time to give me direction in my eating, sleeping and exercise habits.

Swelling of the fingers and toes have started to kick in (but hey, at least they are looking young, right?) 

Some people like to comment on the size of my belly 'THAT still has months to go? There is only one in there, right?' (thank you so much for bringing that to my attention, I didn't feel big and uncomfortable until you said that)

Clothes are a little harder to find in this weather of heat hot warm sizzling sunshine

Some people like to show their support in 'feeling sorry' for me- as in, 'you poor thing you are pregnant' (oh... I thought this was a time to be excited and happy about? no? uhhh... shit. what now?)

NOW. Let's forget all the silly comments and annoying questions and come to the good parts, shall we?

Most people are so excited for me that I feel very supported and loved.

I can still walk around without reaaaally waddling (yes! For real)

Most people treat me so thoughtfully, I might want to be pregnant for ever (where can I buy those fake bellies they use in movies?)

I look at life a little bit differently than I had before, everything is more special.

When I feel this little worm squirming I feel so overwhelmed thinking 'how is it possible to love someone already so much you haven't even met yet!?' 

I get to visit every public toilet in Singapore!

Life slowed down a lot and I've become calmer and turned more inwards. 

All my old t-shirts are now really sexy belly shirts (SCORE!)

I've had a few mood swings (shocker, right?) with some well deserved pregnancy rage and a week here and there where I thought the world will end because I am so sad over nothing, but over all I just feel really grateful to be able to experience this. This little baby, that we have made will be my baby for the rest of my life. My little squirt that I can tickle, tease, cuddle, kiss and see grow every single day. What. a. blessing.